Communication is not just about getting our needs met but about sharing ideas, information and emotions. It is also about seeking information and gaining knowledge. Too often we make the mistake of sending the wrong message to our children. We constantly bombard them with questions and imperative statements demanding answers, answers they may not be able to readily give you. This kind of pressure makes the child feel like he is constantly being tested every single minute and he/she might “switch off”. Or worse still the child may try to deflect your attention by indulging in inappropriate behaviour.
There are a few simple ways in which we can change the way we communicate with the child in order to ensure that he communicates better.
1) Talk Less - Yes, that’s right, you need to talk less. Constant jabber, jabber can be very irritating for any one, more so for a child with language difficulties. Quality in place of Quantity. You could use more non-verbal communication – pictures, voice modulation, gestures and facial expressions. Keep it interesting.
2) Use Positive Language – Tell the child what to do and not what not to do. Nothing puts a child (or adult) off more than hearing the word “no”. And he’s likely to hear it more often if he still hasn’t learnt “appropriate” behaviours. Most children will either stop listening or will try to irritate the adult by doing exactly what they are being told not to do. Instead of saying “don’t hit”, trying saying, “hands be good” or “hands still”. Instead of saying, “don’t run”, you could say, “walk with me”. Try this with your spouses as well and see your relationship improve!
3) Use Declarative Language – Constantly using imperative language which demands a response from the child can result in him/her clamming up. Too often the child is unable to answer. Sometimes as the child is learning to speak, he may just end up echoing your questions. He may also learn that the only purpose of language is to question and make demands. Language for the social sharing should be our final goal. Try parallel talk. Say the things that you expect the child to say. When you do this, you need to remember to drop the word, “say”. Example, “Bye aunty”, not “say bye aunty”. Do you like people constantly telling you what to say?
4) Use One Language – In our multilingual scenario, it is important to stress on the use of a single language for the child. The same language should be used for general communication and therapy. And the same language for reading and writing. Too often, I have found parents insisting on the child learning to speak the mother tongue (which is fine) but they never teach the mother tongue for reading. They insist on reading and writing in English! And the child doesn’t understand a word of English because he has only been exposed to the mother tongue. A child with language difficulties may not be able to switch between languages and the first language he learns could very well be the only language he learns. Some children do go on to learn the second language but the first language may remain a strength.